it was around 8:30/9:00 in the evening, and i was feeling insecure about my art skills. this was because i saw a tiktok of a girl sketching a celebrity like really quickly, but also really accurately. i was like, wow, that girl is so good, what if i’m never that good? and i know that comparing yourself to others isn’t the most healthy thing to do, but we all do it from time to time. we compare ourselves to others in terms of looks, skills, clothing, talent, etc, but we can’t help it really. it’s just human (especially teenage) nature.
anyway, i don’t particularly like feeling insecure, so instead of wallowing in my own sadness like i might have been inclined to do on any other night, i decided to prove to myself that i am in fact talented. so i chose to sketch everyone’s favourite indie movie heartthrob, Timothée Chalamet. i chose a picture of him from some photoshoot, and decided not to put too much pressure on myself. i wanted to just sketch, and trust that it would come out looking like him.
after about 10 minutes, i finished the eyes, and i could see that they were in fact recognisable as timothée’s eyes. i was ecstatic, because in my mind, it meant that i wasn’t a complete failure and i could do it!! about 25 minutes later, and i was done. i gave the sketch some light shading, and pulled back to check it out. it did look like him!! sure, it wasn’t a carbon copy, but almost no drawing ever is. satisfied, i started thinking about whether it was weird for timothée to look into the camera like that during photoshoots.
then i started thinking about how he was wearing a sort of dress in the picture, and how he was actually pulling it off, and how people like him even more because he rejects toxic masculinity, and embraces feminine fashion. that led to thinking about ‘Call Me By Your Name’, and how it would be amazing to live in Créma in the summer, with absolutely nothing to do but laze in the sun, read books, and eat peaches (hehe). then that kind of evolved into fantasising about living my entire life in that world, like Elio. (but i suppose even Elio had to go home after summer ended.)
then i realised that i had been staring at my sketch of Timothée for about 6 minutes without blinking, so i snapped out of it.